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How to Create More Intimacy in 10 Minutes or Less per Day — Free Download

Imagine waking up next to your partner, wrinkled and gray, years down the road…rolling to your side, watching them sleep, feeling absolutely overwhelmed with gratitude and respect at the mystery of who they are and your opportunity to evolve alongside them for all these years.

Do you know any lifetime married couples who experience such moments?

Is your partnership on track to be one?

People always seem to be looking for life hacks: the short cut, the easy button to get the results we want with the least possible effort.

In my experience, when it comes to relationships and personal growth, there’s no real short-cut. 

And when we’re looking for one, it usually means we’re trying to by-step the real work of facing the issues underneath the surface-level fixes.

But the practice I’m going to share with you today is something I could call an “intimacy hack.” 

It’s a simple, straight-forward ritual that my husband and I have been practicing for over a decade.

It’s become so foundational to our connection, I can’t imagine our marriage without it.

The practice is called a Couples’ Check-in, and while it isn’t rocket science, there are definitely some nuances that we’ve learned over ten years of practice that have made it extremely successful for us.

This Check-in has improved our emotional connection, increased our ability to peacefully navigate conflict, and enhanced our sex life.

The free download has clear instructions, troubleshooting issues I’ve seen in our own and others’ experience, and FAQs that can help you implement this practice successfully on your own.

You can download it here: https://bodysoulschool.com/free-download-couples-check-in/

I hope it serves you as well as it’s served us over the years!

Wishing you all the best in love and life,

Becky

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Unpopular Opinion — Couples Work Will Not Save Your Marriage

Today I offer an unpopular opinion: that couples work will not save your marriage.

Before you reject the idea–hear me out.

My husband and I have been married for 22 years. We’ve survived betrayal, addiction recovery, major career shifts, rebellious teenagers, faith expansions… and I’m sure we’ve many unexpected adventures yet to face.

Therapy, including couples therapy, has been a significant factor in our ability to not only survive these challenges, but to eventually thrive through them.

So what do I mean when I say that “Couples Work will not improve your marriage?”

When our marriage blew up 10 years ago in the aftermath of betrayal, we made a forever shift: from seeing ourselves as co-passengers in the same boat, to seeing ourselves as individuals who were choosing to row our boats alongside each other, theoretically toward a shared destination.

This shift created a fundamental differentiation. 

It drew a line in the sand that suddenly made clear our true, individual responsibilities.

Suddenly, we were each firmly in charge of our own life path, toward our own growth. 

We couldn’t unconsciously expect the other to pursue our desired destination at the same pace at the same time.

We couldn’t blame each other for the ways we found ourselves paddling in circles.

We became clear about our partnered reality: “I am accountable for my own happiness. I am accountable for my own resentment.”

With this essential understanding in place, my husband and I began a new phase of our journey together: a phase defined by mutual respect, by clear self-directed boundaries, by a deeper sense of self, by tools that improved our communication, and by the clear understanding that each day, we get to choose to stay connected, to turn towards each other….or not.

The more we both took ownership of our own journey and our own state of consciousness in each moment, the more our couples’ issues seemed to dissolve…all on their own. 

When I look at the heavy lifting that moved us from the brink of divorce to a thriving partnership, it is the INDIVIDUAL AWARENESS we both committed ourselves to that made all the difference.

At Lifehouse Body & Soul, we teach mindfulness: simple self-reflective practices and principles that can help you take full ownership of your own state of consciousness.

We do this because we truly believe that this is the path to peace: in our inner world, our personal world, and the world at large.

We believe that life is supposed to be a beautiful adventure of discovery fueled by love, not fear.

In relationships, when you step fully into your OWN adventure, you implicitly invite your partner to do the same.

Maybe they’ll choose to LEVEL UP with you, maybe they won’t.

But regardless…your OWN higher frequency will start to change the vibration of your partnership.

If you’ve been telling yourself that you’re waiting for your partner to get on board so you can improve the quality of your relationship, think again.

The time is NOW and the ball is firmly in your court.

You can choose to change yourself.

You can choose to take full ownership of your attitudes, mindsets, expectations, and behaviors.

You can change the way you engage with your partner.

And no one can stop you. 

Our mindfulness-based programs are an amazing invitation to engage in a framework that can help you realize such a differentiated, empowered coupleship.

It’s a journey, not a destination, and one that is best achieved when nurtured consistently through principle, practice, and supportive community.

If you’d like to learn more about our Couples Retreat or our Mindful Living Programs, we’d love to help you achieve your highest potential of joy in your daily living and intimate relationships.

Hoping to Inspire us all to Reach for More, with Love and Joy,

Becky

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Marriage was Never Meant to be a Struggle

Marriage was never meant to be a struggle.

If you find yourself dreading the next argument with your spouse, living for your next chance to check out and numb yourself, or constantly burdened with feelings of resentment…  you’re probably approaching it the wrong way.

You can choose to shift your meaning…

See marriage as a vehicle to let go of your small, personal self.

Nothing will reveal your ego, your blind spots, and the coping strategies that keep you stuck better than your marriage.

See marriage as a way to explore your deepest capacity for connection. 

This is what all humans yearn for, and in marriage, the opportunity to explore intimacy is right here in front of you–mentally, emotionally, and physically.

Great marriages are a shared adventure that help us wake up and in a world that has gone numb, to actually feel something.

Great marriages are a safe place to express your own creativity, carve a unique path through life, and to try things out.

Great marriages are a soft landing when we fail, struggle, or suffer.

Through marriage, we can evolve into highly differentiated beings with the capacity to own our own stuff so we can respond to others with wisdom and compassion.

By actively engaging in and nurturing our marriage, we show the universe (and our partner) we are serious about our personal growth and our potential for joy.

Lastly, through marriage, we can spread love, raise consciousness, and serve.

If you are single, please replace the word “marriage” with “intimate relationships.” Married or single, our intimate relationships are meant to be the icing on the cake of our lives, not our primary burdens.

This week, pay attention to the way you talk about and think about your marriage or your intimate partner.

Are you viewing your intimate life as your greatest adventure, or a drama to be dealt with?

Rooting for you and  the infinite growth potential of your intimate relationships,

Becky

P.S. We’ve still got spots at our Couples Retreat September 5-8. You can find more information here.

P.P.S. If you’re serious about a long-term life change that will give you framework and tools to truly transform your marriage, consider joining us in the fall as we kick off our next session of our Course in Mindful Living. Stay tuned for more info!

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What’s a “Normal” Marriage? – An Invitation to Our Couples Retreat

What is “Normal”?

Life is crazy. This is something we all know. And that’s “normal.” Right?!

For the first 13 years of our marriage, I thought it was completely normal to be chronically over-busy, stressed about work, barely managing to get our kids where they needed to go.

By the time each day ended, all that Nate (my husband) and I had time and energy left for was to plop ourselves on the couch and watch Netflix together.

But when our marriage hit a crisis, I realized I wanted to throw “normal” out. I realized that “normal” is what got us where we were–disconnected from each other, exhausted, resentful, and only going through the motions of life.

That’s when Nate and I started living a completely different way–a “New Normal” is what we called it.

We learned how to pay attention to our emotions, to our bodies—our energy levels, our sense of being aligned or being dysregulated. We learned how to honor and answer our own needs in the moment, and woke up to the fact that we were often unconsciously expecting the other to meet expectations we had not even expressed.

We began to take ownership of our own happiness, and our own resentment too. We learned how to communicate better, in ways that were more accountable and less confrontational. We found we could suddenly have a discussion instead of an argument and that there was less defensiveness all around.

All of these life-changing outcomes came from simple but consistent mindfulness-based practices: becoming more aware of who we really are and how we engage with the world.

All of these changes took place over time—they are still part of a practice–a new way of living–a NEW NORMAL—but they started with one crucial decision.

The decision that we wanted MORE.

That we were no longer going to settle for surviving…we wanted to THRIVE.

Our marriage is still a practice–we’re not perfect and never will be, but we’re always engaged in building something beautiful together, and that’s exciting and deeply fulfilling.

The Lifehouse Body & Soul Couples Retreat could be such a moment of decision for your coupleship. We’ll be in a beautiful place, comfortable and private accommodations, with gorgeous, healthy, delicious food, and lots of time and space spent learning and practicing the tools that can create a NEW NORMAL for you.

In life, I truly believe there are no magic wands or shortcuts, but there ARE simple mindsets and practices that can guide you back to the part of you that always knows your next right step, every step of the way: your own Higher Self.

If your heart and mind are open, I can promise you that this Retreat will give you the opportunity to find this whole and holy place within you. And when you leave us, I hope you’ll have discovered, it’s all you really need.

I hope you’ll consider practicing with us. It’s going to be amazing!

Learn more here: Couples Retreat

Love, Becky

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Confronting Body Shame: Do You Treasure Your Body As Your Most Loyal Friend?

Do you treasure your body as your most loyal friend?

This is something I had never considered before I experienced my own life-changing journey of trauma recovery.

Ten years ago, I was a busy mom of four. I volunteered a lot of hours at church and worked part-time as a Fitness Instructor and Aerobics Program Coordinator at two local universities (BYU & UVU).

My main worry as far as my body was concerned was managing it, and I was a harsh taskmaster. I was focused on staying in shape, maintaining my ideal weight, and performing all the tasks required of me in my various responsibilities.

When I experienced a life-changing trauma in my marriage, my body suddenly seemed to become my enemy. I couldn’t sleep, eat, or even function. I would spin into panic attacks and was often completely overwhelmed by emotions I couldn’t control.

During this very difficult time, I slowly learned to develop an entirely different relationship with my body: a compassionate relationship of listening, honoring, and trusting.

Now, ten years later, I spend my life helping others to experience the same shifts that allowed me to heal in ways I could never have predicted.

In order to change our relationship to our bodies, we have to understand a few basic truths:

  1. Your body is hard-wired to survive: it constantly reads your surroundings and responds in ways it unconsciously believes will keep you safe.
  2. Your body is like a container: it holds every experience, emotion, memory, impression in its tissues and stores it until you give it permission to let go.
  3. You are not your body. You are not your mind. You are the soul inside who is able to observe your thoughts and emotions and choose which to follow and which to release.

Mindfulness, embodiment, and meditation can help us connect with the soul inside, bringing wisdom, clarity, and compassion to all the thoughts, emotions, and sensations of this human experience.

If you could use a fresh start in your relationship with your body, we’d love to have you join us at our embodiment classes, where we work out hard, practice yoga, and meditate.

Even coming once per week can make such a difference in how you feel on a daily basis. If you feel curious, come check it out! You’ve got nothing to lose but a lot of self-loathing.

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Building a Healthier Relationship with Your Body: Part 2 – Accepting & Allowing

Most people come to health and fitness programs looking for one thing: a sense of control over their body. We want to force ourselves into the agenda we have created for ourselves–the picture perfect body we may have taped on our bedroom mirror or a certain pant size we have in mind.

But control-tactics are a bit like band-aids. They can cover up a problem effectively for awhile, but they do not have the power to heal. When we are misaligned with our bodies–on either end of the spectrum–this is a manifestation that something inside of us is broken. There is a wound that is calling for healing. We can cover up the discomfort with short-lived control tactics, or we can take the more permanent approach. We can heal what’s actually hurting.

At Lifehouse Body & Soul, we take the slow-cooker approach to health and body image. No extreme diets or crazy workout regimens. We are steady, strong, and consistent. We know that healing wounds takes time, but has permanent effect. The first step toward this permanent shift is completely counterintuitive to the typical control-based approach: it is to accept and allow your body and your life to be exactly as it is.

https://youtu.be/YeQX6J2Yc40

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Building a Healthier Relationship With Your Body: Part 1 – An Introduction to Lifehouse Body & Soul

There is nothing more universal to our human journey than our bodies. And at the same time, we are swimming in a culture of confusion around what our bodies are and aren’t, what they should be, and what they can get us. We use them and abuse them. We try to hide them or we try to use them to secure our value. Somehow, we have pit ourselves against them. The body becomes the enemy: something to be conquered, subdued, overcome, or ignored.

But in reality, our body is our most loyal friend. It willingly carries every burden we place on it and does all in its power to protect us from pain. Even down to our smallest cells, it stores and remembers every joy, every hurt. Our body is the physical manifestation of the way we approach life, the ways we have armored ourselves, and the deepest beliefs we have clung to to protect ourselves from the unmanageable.

Our journey of awakening to the Highest that is within us cannot be undertaken without making peace with the body: the sacred vehicle through which we experience life. At Lifehouse Body & Soul, we are not here to overcome, achieve, or produce any outcome that can be outwardly shown. We are here to learn how to love and honor the body as our greatest tool of spiritual discernment. As we nourish it, move it, and listen to it mindfully, we naturally come into alignment with the very best version of ourselves.

https://youtu.be/3vw0yfHPlC8